Swing the Sickle
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
Today is: July 29, 2010, 9:41pm



Forum Login
Login Name: Create a new account
Password:     Forgot password

Swing the Sickle Forum    Christianity and Art    Original Works  ›  Song Lyrics
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests

Song Lyrics  This thread currently has 321 views. Print
1 Pages 1 Recommend Thread
Joab
October 23, 2007, 5:51am Report to Moderator

Baby Member
Posts: 27
Location: Tampa, FL
I pretty much just wrote a new song.  Here are the lyrics.

he’s a person because of his shell
all the things that should seemingly tell
that he sees, that he hears, that he cries,
that he feels about something

he’s a person that’s consistently lied
in his eyes there’s nothing inside
there’s no hope, there’s no dream, no belief,
no gleam in his eyes that I can see

he’s like an empty chair
or like a locked house with nobody there
he’s like parentheses without any words inside
he’s got nothing to hide
and nothing to reveal

she’s a person that goes with the flow
always playing like it’s always a show
there’s no heart, there’s no touch, she just plays out the part
like a pattern fractaled endlessly

she’s a person that’s fine standing still
never showing any courage or will
there’s no try, there’s no why, there’s no do or die
cause she doesn’t have any of her own

she’s like an empty chair
or like a locked house with nobody there
she’s like parentheses without any words inside
she’s got nothing to hide
and nothing to reveal

I wish these people could only see
there’s more to life then being empty

they’re like an empty chair
or like a locked house with nobody there
they’re like parentheses without any words inside
they’ve got nothing to hide
and everything to gain
Logged Offline
E-mail Private Message
Matthew
November 5, 2007, 12:07am Report to Moderator

Administrator Group
Posts: 171
Beautiful lyrics. I wish I could hear the music that goes along with them.

Beautiful message as well. We probably all know people like this. They are empty inside and try to fill it with alcohol or sex, but they are still unhappy. "I wish these people could only see/there's more to life than being empty." Alcohol and sex cannot fill the void. Only Jesus can. Don't feel like you are missing out on something because you're a Christian and don't go to the parties where everyone gets drunk. Those people aren't really happy. We have tons of fun drinking Root Beer and Cream Soda in the back forty, and we can truly be happy, because we have Jesus.

I love the imagery you used in the "chorus."

Quoted Text
he's like an empty chair
or like a locked house with nobody there
he's like parentheses without any words inside
he's got nothing to hide
and nothing to reveal


And excellent verbing of a word not usually verbed: "like a pattern fractaled endlessly." I would capitalize the first word of each line, but otherwise, I really like it. I know it sounds nitpicky, but I honestly believe a small touch like that makes it look more professional and less like something an emo thirteen-year-old posted on MySpace.
Logged Offline
Site E-mail Private Message Reply: 1 - 2
Rachel
November 5, 2007, 8:30am Report to Moderator
Minimum Member
Posts: 73
Quoted from Joab
he's like parentheses without any words inside


I really like this line.  I also like that you used the word 'fractaled.'

I like this song.  I feel like I know these people.  And while Matthew makes a good spiritual analogy, I don't think it's just about people who need Jesus...is it?
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 2 - 2
1 Pages 1 Recommend Thread
Print

Swing the Sickle Forum    Christianity and Art    Original Works  ›  Song Lyrics